7 quick tips for when you throw a party in Ruarwe

This is what party-worthy food looks like.

The team we've been working with the past year.

When the news that we were leaving reached the village and the lodge staff it was made clear that we were to organise a farewell party. No problem, we thought we have organised many parties. But now that the party is history I have to admit that we could have done with a plan, some instructions, or a script of what we could expect. So don't stress if you ever find yourself in the situation of having to organise a farewell party in Ruarwe, learn from our mistakes, follow these instructions and you'll be fine. (actually, I think these notes might be helpful for any party)


 1.  Don't make the mistake to think that your party is an occasion to hang out with the people you care about. A party is a gathering of representatives of the important institutions in the village. You are welcome to invite whoever you want but make sure you include a representative of the church, the clinic, the ngo etc.  And please don't forget the village headmen because you don't want to give the impression that you don't respect the traditional authorities.
 2. A party needs food and please note that a party is not a real party when there is no meat. Chicken is good. Beef is better. Goat is best. It has to be fresh so just get a goat. I have learned that any self respecting Ruarwian knows how to kill, skin and prepare a goat so don't worry about that. No part of your goat will go to waste and you can make the special people in your life happy by giving them the head, the skin or the testicles.
 3. Decide on a starting time but don't expect anybody to arrive even remotely on time. Arrival at the venue doesn't mark the start of the party for the individuals that you invited. Washing, getting dressed and walking to the party is all part of the event so when you say that your party starts at two, don't expect your guests to arrive at two, two is when they will start preparing. Because of this, you don't have to stress if the meat is still walking around in its original packaging and with a beating heart 30 minutes before the party starts. It will be fine. Really, it will.
 4. When people arrive, don't be surprised if you don't know half the people who have come. If anyone can't make it, they will send a representative, because an invite to a party is basically an invite to a free meal that can be passed along to someone else if you can't make it. Don't be offended.
 4. Make sure you provide enough drinks in single serve bottles for two drinks per guest. One to drink during the party and one to take home to share between the people who were not at the party.
 5. Prepare a speech. Don't forget to prepare a speech because you will be expected to speech.
 6. Prepare yourself to spend the entire party  in a cloud of cultural confusion because the guests move along the lines of a set of rules and expectations that you are not aware of. It's ok. It's not your party, at least not really, because nothing is ever about an individual but always about the community.
 7. Enjoy it and don't try to manage the party because you have no idea what is expected and people will only communicate to you that your idea wasn't the right one after you executed your idea with disappointed or offended people as a result. So leave managing to the experts of Ruarwian parties and just enjoy.  The good thing is that this kind of  party doesn't make you feel very emotional about leaving because the feeling of confusion is so big that there is no space left for any other emotion. But then it did make me feel emotional because this village, her people and all their cultural quirks have grown on me. I've learned to love it,  I have accepted that I will occasionally but unintentionally offend people because I did not know better. They often offend me too. I guess that's part of living together with different cultures; learning to not take offence when you feel offended because more often than not, it wasn't on purpose. (Like when the one guest who grabbed my hand to make me feel his abdomen. He wanted to compliment me for feeding him so well and to proof his point I had to feel how full his tummy was.)

No comment because I think you can guess who this is..